I had always thought it\u2019d be very challenging to have a remote 1:1 with my team members, let alone build rapport with them remotely. I used to be that manager who would reschedule their 1:1\u2019s when they were working from home on that particular day. I\u2019ve always thought it\u2019d be hard to connect with someone deeply on 1280 x 960 (or 1920 x 1080, size really doesn\u2019t matter here) screen.<\/p>\n
A few weeks ago, the company that I work for, just like many other companies in the world, started our journey of fully remote work, otherwise known as WFH, due to Covid-19. Just like that. One day, we were in the office, having lunch together, and the next day, we were in our own homes, trying to navigate this new normal. In non-ergonomic settings, no-less.<\/p>\n
As a recovering skeptic to building real connection and rapport remotely, I\u2019d like to share with you a few things that I\u2019ve learned over the past few days as a leader in building rapport remotely, in time of crisis. Some perspectives, some suggestions and hopefully, some useful takeaways for you.<\/p>\n
Maslow\u2019s Hierarchy of Needs is no stranger to me, and I am sure it\u2019s no stranger to many leaders out there. However, during an unprecedented time like now where the basics needs are at danger, especially, safety and security, people are not at their usual state of mind. It\u2019s important for leaders to recognize this and make sure we are addressing the basic needs and concerns of our people.<\/p>\n
How do you know what are the concerns of your people, I hear you ask? In the absence of water-cooler chats and morning coffee walks, the only way I know is to listen intensely, read between the lines and verify. Which takes me to my next point below.<\/p>\n
Everyone is being impacted by COVID-19, whether it\u2019s socially, physically or psychologically. But not everyone is going to be completely transparent about how they are feeling, especially to their managers. Common fears that I\u2019ve noticed that are related to work are:<\/p>\n
As you can see, every person will have different concerns and fears. Person A may be worried about losing their job when Person B\u2019s biggest worry is how long it\u2019d now take for them to get promoted. They are at two different ends of the scale, but as leaders, you need to speak directly to the fear in order to build that rapport and connect with them where they are.<\/p>\n
I used to think weekly 1:1\u2019s were too frequent and too much. But these days I am checking in every few days because weekly 1:1\u2019s aren\u2019t frequent enough. When you can no longer see your team members in the office, and you can\u2019t observe how they are going, and you can\u2019t just swivel your chair around for a quick and light-hearted conversation, it\u2019s important to have a quick check-in with them throughout the week. Usually, through means that are not very demanding, so a slack message or a quick email instead of a zoom call. It\u2019s not about getting status updates on the projects. It\u2019s more about how they are doing in their lives, and it could be about something as simple as what they are having for lunch. The importance of over-communicating about work and projects doesn\u2019t go away, but it\u2019s even more important to talk about other things too or your people will soon feel like you\u2019re treating them as resources and work units instead of humans. Once that happens, there will be a lot of disengaged people who stay in your team not because they want to, but because they have to.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve learned that I don\u2019t have to be prim and proper and always have things under control 100% of the times. It\u2019s a time of crisis. Most of us are doing and trying our best. It\u2019s ok to admit when you\u2019re feeling overwhelmed. It\u2019s ok to share your concerns. I used to be very careful about not showing negative emotions but now I am learning to let go of that a bit. I want people to know that I am not perfect, and fundamentally, under your job titles, roles and responsibilities, we humans are the same. We feel sad, we feel happy, we feel frustrated, we feel angry. It\u2019s ok as long as we recognize those negative emotions and move on.<\/p>\n
The following is a slack conversation I had with someone in my team:
\nPerson: how\u2019s your day?
\nMe: Busy I\u2019m surprised I\u2019m still breathing ha.
\nHow are you?
\nPerson: Busy afternoon too<\/p>\n
Then we started talking about how challenging it was to homeschool, look after kids, look after people, look after projects and trying to stay afloat.<\/p>\n
I am often an optimist, but there is a time and place for being an optimist, and now is not one of those times. We all want things to work out, we all want to get out of this pandemic as quick as possible, we all want to go back to our normal lives. But it\u2019s not the time to hide the truth or try to sugarcoat the situation.<\/p>\n
I recently had an interaction with someone who told me that he couldn\u2019t wait to go back to the office so that he could be more productive. In a normal situation, I\u2019d try to play along and said it\u2019d be a matter of time before we would be back in the office. This time, I had to stop myself from saying those things because I knew it wasn\u2019t true. We all know very well that it would take months before we can all go back to our normal lives. I don\u2019t know if his productivity would be back to what it was during the long WFH period, I don\u2019t want to make any assumption because everything is so uncertain. So this was exactly what I told him. It definitely was not motivating or encouraging, but it was the truth and the truth will help us stay informed and make the right decisions.<\/p>\n
Speaking of being a realist instead of an eternal optimist, there is a well-known paradox called The Stokedale Paradox which was named after James Stockdale, former vice presidential candidate, naval officer and Vietnam prisoner of war. Author Jim Collin explained this concept in his book, Good to Great. The followings are the excerpt from the book. It\u2019s about making an objective assessment of the situation and being a realist instead of an optimist.<\/p>\n
We need to know James Stockdale is to fully appreciate this concept.<\/p>\n
\nThe name refers to Admiral Jim Stockdale, who was the highest ranking United States military officer in the \u201cHanoi Hilton\u201d prisoner-of-war camp during the height of the Vietnam War. Tortured over 20 times during his eight-year imprisonment from 1965 to 1973, Stockdale lived out the war without any prisoner\u2019s rights, no set release date, and no certainty as to whether he would even survive to see his family again. He shouldered the burden of command, doing everything he could to create conditions that would increase the number of prisoners who would survive unbroken, while fighting an internal war against his captors and their attempts to use the prisoners for propaganda.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
During Jim Colin\u2019s interview with Stockdale, the dialogue went like this:<\/p>\n
\nStockdale said, \u201cI never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho didn\u2019t make it out?\u201d asked Collins.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, that\u2019s easy,\u201d he said. \u201cThe optimists.\u201d \u201cThe optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, \u2018We\u2019re going to be out by Christmas.\u2019 And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they\u2019d say,\u2018We\u2019re going to be out by Easter.\u2019 And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end \u2014 which you can never afford to lose \u2014 with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.\u201d Stockdale continued.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n