It doesn’t have to be all or nothing

All my life, I have had an all-or-nothing mentality, also known as the perfectionist mindset. I have always said to myself, if I had to do it, it’d better be done in the best way or if I take this risk, I’d better be successful. While trying and doing your best is always good, I’ve come to realise that this kind of thinking can sometimes sabotage achieving anything.

I finally had a light-bulb moment this year when I started allowing myself to do more public speaking. I used to say to myself that until I am the best public speaker I know, I won’t speak at events. Well, to become good at anything, one needs practice and until we let go to all-or-nothing or the perfectionist mentality, we won’t be get a chance to practice. I’m happy to report that although I’m far from being the best public speaker I know, I’m much much better than I was a year ago.

Your comfort zone is elastic and it is easily expandable

Being an introvert, I dislike public settings and try to avoid them at all cost. Up until recently, whenever I got invited to parties and events, I used to stress for days and weeks, depending on how far in advance I knew about it, on how to find an excuse so I did not have to attend. If I really had to attend, I’d play and rehearse in my head about what I’d say and what people would say and how conversations would go. That, of course, didn’t work because most of the times, these things are unpredictable.

Ever since my daughter has started school, she has been invited to many birthday parties and as a mother, I obviously don’t want her to miss out on having fun with her friends. So that means I’ve been going to many kids’ birthday parties too and talking to school mums and socialising with them. And guess what, I no longer stress out about doing so anymore and I now don’t even have to go to bed rehearsing conversations in my head the night before the event.

Treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated.

We have always been told that we should be kind, considerate and treat everyone the way you want to be treated. Well, I’ve realised that while the first part of the advice is a sound advice, the second part couldn’t be more wrong. Everyone is different with different values and needs and unless you meet someone who is almost identical to you, treating them how you’d like to be treated is not going to make them tick.

For example, I used to think everyone will come into work, do their best and do the right thing regardless of what happens. But did you realise how many people come into work, do the absolute minimum because they feel like they are not being valued by their peers or supervisors? Or some people try just a little bit harder because they feel that they are being looked after and they are treated the way they want to be treated? Therefore, these days I try to understand where a person is coming from and how they like to be treated before working with them so I could be a better person to work with and work for.

There you have it; the 3 mindset changes that I have personally made which have helped me in getting more results and progress in life. So if you’re feeling like you could be achieving more, take a leaf out of my book because just like an old saying, “Old ways won’t open new doors”.